Today, I felt great. For a time, I had all the ducks in a row, all the stars aligned. There was hope in my heart, light at the end of the tunnel. And I don’t know why, because nothing was different.
Tonight, I went out with a friend for dinner, whom I had not seen since my mother’s death. He was sorry that he had not gone to the funeral. We spoke of many things, of ships and sails and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. Of death and family and obligation, and how easily all our miniscule problems would be solved by the gift of a million dollars. Or two. Or maybe not.
And I felt like shit. My personal roller coaster was going down, and I hadn’t even noticed until he highlighted it. He mentioned that I was lower energy than he had seen me for some time. It was like the acknowledgement made it so, and despite the fact that I felt great earlier, I felt lousy. And I don’t know why, because nothing was different.
Or maybe it's that everything is different, so many times a day, so many times a week, that I don't notice it anymore.
I once read that the definition of insanity was taking the same action again and again, and expecting a different result. But an opposite allegory is the definition of frustration; taking the same action and expecting the same result, and having it be different every time. And not knowing why.
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it's ok to feel bad. let it wash over you and know it will pass with time. something very important has happened, don't minimize it. it is strengthening you even if you don't know it. you will get back your bounce back, it is the heart of you. whenever i feel down i go to your site with your picture and i immediately smile and feel good because that is the real you. happy,sweet and adorably good hearted. nothing can take that away.
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