Saturday, January 20, 2007

Mens Mags

Years ago, I used to do a lot of flying, on business. Being an economy-minded guy, I liked to get every dollar I could out of that, so signed up for frequent flyer mileage. However, the flying was infrequent, and never amounted to enough even to get a discount on travel. But about five months ago I got a notice that one of the programs had miles that were about to expire, and offered me a set of subscriptions in exchange, and before they expired. Seemed win-win.

My problem is I’m not a big magazine guy. I have not even one subscription. So the long list of possibilities they offered seemed unexplored territory. There were no magazines on computers, no MacAddict or MacWorld, no Step Up Digital Design, no HOW or Communication Arts. There were popular magazines, Popular Mechanics, TV Guide, Glamour, Cosmo, etc.

So, I asked my wife what trashy pleasures she’d enjoy a subscription to, and got the Cosmo, the Glamour, and a couple other magazines we never buy unless we’re going on an airplane. And I still had five subscriptions I could have. So I signed up for what I thought were two acceptable men’s magazines, Stuff and Maxim. I’d seen these at the newsstand, saw them advertised as “men’s magazines” in a way that didn’t make them synonymous with pornography. But I’d never picked them up. So I figured, what the hell.

I started getting the magazines a month ago. I’ve gotten two issues of each, thus far. In general, they read like they are aimed at oversexed, easily-led high school boys who need to be told what’s cool, and feel like they’re in on all the inside jokes, whether or not they’re funny. Except all the bikini-clad women on the cover and inside are much too old for high school. Still, they look like kids to me. Is that a sign I’m getting old? I don’t know. They make me feel like it. And they make me feel smart—as in too smart to buy these.

When I used to get Playboy, in my early single days, the older women in those pages were much more attractive to me at my younger age. I never had a thing for women that much younger than me. I considered college guys who dated high school girls a bit creepy, and that hasn’t changed a lot. Not me, brudda. It just seems to me that the women that populate these magazines are so young, so much about some kind of spring break, Porky’s-type fantasy, it’s hard to imagine the appeal. Is that the sign that I'm old? Some of the articles-like asking about which vitamins are best for men, or comparing sports drinks, or even stories about gun trafficking and Hollywood are okay, but even in that I can’t say, “oh, I like it for the articles.” I’m just not getting it, and man does that make me feel old. I mean, hey, I also think Eva Mendez is hot as the next guy (not that I think the next guys is hot…), but do people really pay money for this stuff? Month after month? Is there a way I can get my money back from a free subscription?

Lately also I’ve started to be aware of the magazines just because I have very young boys, and don’t want to leave the magazine lying around. But not for the same reason as I would’ve if I got Playboy. Or maybe it is for the same reason; embarrassment. But in this new case, it’s because I’m embarrassed that I gave my address to these people. My boys haven’t even started like-likeing girls yet (as anything other than friends). I don’t want this stuff around when they do. So, the good news is, I recycle. I just wish there was something about these magazines that made the two-minute trip from the mailbox to the recycling bin a little more interesting.

3 comments:

BoxedArt said...

Count your blessings! The men's mags just promote extended adolescence, and creepy ogling. The ladies' mags, well, they are downright harmful. For every article on self-acceptance, there are 10 on how to change the things you hate about yourself- focusing on the weght, hair, and natural aging as the most loathed. The fastest way to make yourself feel ugly is to read a beauty/fashion magazine. As a younger woman- I used to read Playboy too. It's article were miles better than anything offered in the female spere. (OK, the pictures were fun too.) I know what ou mean about now having your address out there. The Consumer Reports current issue gives info on how to opt out of direct mail with the main mammoth distributors.

Dona said...

I'm happy there are still guys like you who are more concerned about the issue being posted on the magazine than his manly desires. This doesn't mean you're old but it's only a sign of your self-respect and concern about your fatherly image to your sons. Men's magazine nowadays and even before, will of course focus more on the sexual issues and related stuff about girls. The front cover is already a big proof! I was really amazed that there's still someone like you who really are very rare nowadays. What matters is not the cost of your magazine subscription but the content of it. For me, that's really good!

mmclaurin said...

Dona- I thank you, and my manly desires thank you. I think. They always like to be mentioned, anyway.

Seriously, it's interesting to me how much response this blog entry has gotten here and in offline e-mails. Thanks.